You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
