You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
