Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
