Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
