Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
