at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
