If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
