gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
