i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
