My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
