I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
