I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't put those talents on a resume
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
