I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
