im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
