ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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