I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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