id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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