You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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