You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize