Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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