3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
