I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
