Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
NoShamevember. You game?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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