i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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