you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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