Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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