I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
