the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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