Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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