So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i drank out of a bidet.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
