Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
