Pappa wants mamma naked
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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