Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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