is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
