he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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