Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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