tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize