May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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