I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
