Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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