I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
