her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
