god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
