I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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