wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
