You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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