this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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