Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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