God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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