i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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