Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
