I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
