Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize