no, he came in my armpit
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
