it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
