Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
