One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
