it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize