I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
