eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
