my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
