my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
