And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
