There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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