I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
