I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think my vagina is haunted
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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