For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
