As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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