we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I touched a dick in church today
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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