genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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