great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
