no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize