Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
