so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
