Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
