I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize