her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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