so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
