No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
