party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
