there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
