I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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