craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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