Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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