I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
