Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
