i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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