I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
