my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
