i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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