Dual....:-)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize