The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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