Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's blow job season.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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