You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
