I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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