When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
