Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
