worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize